Happy International Magic Month! In this day and age, what better manifestation of the word “magic” exists than the fictional book character Harry Potter and his bewitching peers?

In 2003, due to the immense popularity of author J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter series, the word “muggle” first appeared in the Oxford English Dictionary with the definition “a person without magical powers.” In the Harry Potter books, wizards consider themselves to be superior to muggles, but the fact of the matter is that potions and wizardry are not always the best solution to tough problems.

At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry and his friends often fall prey to clever marketing gimmicks targeted at young, green wizards. If only they had been informed about the mesmerizing power encompassed by promotional products when properly utilized! Keep reading to find out which alternatives make the grade…

Invisibility Cloak: For Harry, Ron, Hermione and the rest of the gang, the Invisibility Cloak is a handy tool to catch their enemies off guard. But is this sneaky tool really the best way to communicate their strength of character and determination?

Grade: B+

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Logo Apparel: To truly make a statement and belittle their enemies, Harry and his friends could opt for customized shirts or jackets to present a unified front when battling against the forces of evil. They could even market themselves as an organized team devoted to protecting the integrity of the wizarding community!

Grade: A

Nimbus 2000 Broomstick: Harry’s natural affinity for the sport of Quidditch means that his choice of broomstick is absolutely crucial. This state-of-the-art broomstick helps him soar above the opposing team and find the Golden Snitch time and time again to win the match for his school. The speed and accuracy achieved by the Nimbus 2000 are impossible to beat… Or are they???

Grade: A-

VS.

Pinnacle Promotions’ RocketShip 24-Hour Express Service™: In the Muggle world, efficiency is highly valued, especially when trusting a company to deliver a product or service. Pinnacle does not have the ability to ship products via broomstick (yet…), but our unique RocketShip™ delivery option ensures that orders will arrive at your doorstep as soon as humanly possible. Broomsticks are not 100% reliable, as they can be broken or in need of repairs, but the Pinnacle Platinum Guarantee™ stands behind every single order.

Grade: A+

Quills: The stubborn wizarding world refuses to adopt the use of Muggles’ pens and paper, and sticks to the traditional quills instead. Some of these quills have magical powers, such as Auto-Answer Quills, which provide the correct answers to exam questions, Spell-Check Quills, which automatically correct misspelled words written by a writer, and Self-Inking Quills, which refill their own ink when needbe. Still, quills present challenges when it comes to portability and longevity.

Grade: B- (for ordinary quills); A (for enchanted quills, especially the Auto-Answer and Spell-Check quills!)

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Unique Pens: Magical powers are great, but Muggles are accustomed to everyday, standard promotional pens. To add some excitement and pizzazz to a basic pen, Harry and his pals could opt for unique promotional pens instead of their usual quills. This way, whenever they were required to cross over into the Muggle world, they could share their writing instruments with non-wizards and manage to receive similar responses of awe and admiration.

Grade: A+

Tri-Wizard Tournament Cup: This award is a shining cup that is bestowed upon the winner of this rigorous competition, and it is kept by the winning school until the next tournament takes place. In the fourth installment of the Harry Potter series, “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory reach the cup at the same time, and grab hold of it simultaneously. Unbeknownst to the champions, the cup is a secret portkey that transports them to a graveyard to battle Lord Voldemort. Diggory is killed by Voldemort and Harry escapes back to Hogwarts alone, leaving a furious Voldemort in his wake. He receives the promised 1,000 galleon (wizarding currency) prize, and gives the galleons to Fred and George Weasley to start a joke shop.

Grade: F

VS.

Crystal Awards: In retrospect, the enchanted Tournament Cup was probably not the best way for student wizards to be recognized for their victories. The competing schools would have been much better off by choosing crystal awards to customize instead, as winners could hold onto them for eternity as a reminder of their exceptional accomplishments. Also, these awards are affordable enough to award to more than one winner, and second and third place entrants could be honored for their efforts as well.

Grade: A+

Overall, the magical product options didn’t fare so badly, but for all of the Muggles reading this entry in hopes of gaining valuable marketing advice, I would definitely recommend acquiring the latter item in each pair from Pinnacle Promotions!